Phoebe On A High

REBIRTH SERIES:
Phoebe On A High

Poster Paint on 1/4 Illustration Board
11 May 2009 / Rob Equiza

Two Recent Pictures

Wally


Rob and Tracy

Searching my past / 26

My mother was working in a school called Sacred Heart which was run by nuns. She lived in a small rented flat near the public market. Home was an hour and a half away where my father and my first two siblings were. The head nun at the school who was known to be very strict with everyone considered my mother an exception. Nanay was her favorite, seeing in her a good heart & her sacrifice as a pregnant woman travelling alone every now and then for several months for her family to live by.

When it was it time for my mother to give birth to her third child, she was at the rented flat. A midwife came to assist her in the delivery assisted by two working students from the school.

I was born at dawn. April 7, 1983. In Catbalogan, Samar. An old tattered towel was wrapped around me. No hospitals. No fancy baby clothes. Poverty smiled at my birth and I'm sure I smiled back at it in my own way.

Two days after, my father came to accompany us back to Calbayog - the place where I would spend the next 16 years; the city that I will call home all of my days.

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It was a sunny day when I woke up at past 7 in the morning. My parents and my brothers were still asleep save for Ronce, our youngest. With the few coins I had, we bought two candles at the nearest store from our house and walked the five blocks up the street. Saints Peter and Paul Cathedral was still almost empty when we arrived. We lit the candles and said a prayer in silence. I turned thirteen years old that day.
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These are two points in my life that I am fascinated with upon arriving at my twenty-sixth year. One from a memory of my strong courageous mother, the root of how I embraced and accepted the lack of financial stability yet taking joy in life itself; the other a personal vivid view from my adolescence that foretold of the future independence I now possess.

Twenty-six doesn't mean I'm old. But it's not too young of an age either. So let all that has to be learned learnt, let all that hides unfold, and everything that sleeps, awoken.

I may be very far away from home and might still have to walk millions of blocks to where I'm headed. But you see, I am ready. So bring it on!

i am a ghost wandering in spaces

But when I am down I just listen to the sound
That plays in my head and I know I'll come around

(parts from 'Vomitere' / Spotlighting Moon Songs)

Maybe we could meet again further down the river.

(words from incubus)

an e-mail correspondence from a while ago

_______________________________________________________________

11/01/07

My name is Bryan and I am an avid reader of musings of a psychopath and a first-time e-mailer.

Rob, I thought I would bring a favorite band of mine to your attention called Your 33 Black Angels.

A friend turned me on to them about two years ago and I've been a fan ever since.

They independently released (as in self-released) a gem of an album in spring called "Lonely Street".

It went relatively unnoticed until it was reviewed by Senior Editor David Fricke in last month's issue of Rolling Stone.

Hopefully they will start getting the long-deserved attention I think they deserve.

I hope you feel the same.

The Your 33 Black Angels Myspace is www.myspace.com/your33blackangels

Sincerely,
Bryan
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11/13/07

Hi Bryan,

Your first line had done what you intended it to do - it caught my attention.
But I don't really believe you're an avid reader of my blog.
Apart from a few bands we like, I don't think most of my entries appeal to you.

It's probable you saw my blog and saw the 'velvet underground' and some other bands that I love and you thought, 'hey, I can get this guy to like this band'.
Sorry if I seem rude - I'm not, and I know your intentions are good.

About the band, I listened to a couple of songs on their MySpace page.
You and Mr. Fricke are right. Their music's great!
At first I thought 'Your 33 Black Angels' sounds like an emo band's name despite the review.
But I was taken aback, albeit, in a positive way. The Velvets really come to mind but unlike other bands that sounds just like xerox of their influences, Y33BA have their own sound.
I hope to have their CD soon.
Thank you for your suggestion, Bryan.

By the way, are you in any way related to the band?

And how come you sent me an e-mail to this address when the e-mail address I registered on my blog is not this one?


-Rob
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11/13/07

You ask too many questions and are very paranoid.

Do you smoke lots of dope?

Yes, I do enjoy your blog.

No, I do not know the band outside of being a fan.

-B
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11/13/07

Two questions are not too many, Bryan.
I'm just curious rather than paranoid.
No I don't smoke dope as you may do judging from your question.

I have one favor to ask of you though.
If you have time, listen to my band's songs and tell me what you think.
Brutal reviews are accepted.

Our songs are here: www.soundclick.com/freeradio

Thanks!

-Rob
_______________________________________________________________

11/13/07

Rob,

I am vaery picky and a harsh critic but damn its really good.

I enjoy the lo-fi, mellow stuff and the singing is good.

This would definitely be stuff I would buy or steal.

The only criticism that at times too mellow and the music would be even better if you made it more interesting with tempo changes, layering etc.

Good stuff,

-Bry
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11/14/07

Bryan,

Google shows 6 other music blogs you sent your e-mail to.
I'm pretty sure that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I don't mind the promotion but I hate the lying.
I'm still grateful you introduced me to the band but though.

Just as this marketing is important to you, our music is important to me as well.
So I hope you didn't just write your last reply without even listening to our songs.
If you did listen to them and were honest with that opinion, thank you.

Take care.
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11/04/07

Rob,

Lay off the shit man. Its making your brain crazy!

So 6 means everybody asshole!

No, fuck you!

How am I Lying?

If you are so insecure and hurt that you believe you are the only blog I read and corrspond with than I am sorry.

Grow up!!

Thank God (or maybe Gods in your case) and

I did listen to your music faggot!! And unfortunately its good because I really want to hate it like I hate your asummin' falesely accussin' ass!
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11/14/07

There's no need to use profanity here, Bry.
You sound stupid which I know you're not.

Y33BA's music can speak for itself so my point is even if you
admit that you're part of their marketing, people won't push you away.

This is not about insecurity. I don't care what you blogs you read
because I don't even know you. The only issue is the truth.

Oh and I only have one God, I'm Catholic.

Be cool, man.

-Rob
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11/14/07

Well, I am catholic too and embarassed you are too.

I am not a professional marketer by any means and it really pisses me off when someone makes false accusatios.

So, no, I won't "be cool" when some Phillipnio jerkoff is calling me a liar!

The "truth" is something you are "asuuming" and not proving and is the same "truth" of the easter bunny and weapons of mass destruction.

Hey, Im all for the truth and rational thought but not morons who believe and post whatever cokamamey schemes they salivavte ovee sa "truth" really gets my goat.

Be cool in implicating and falsely accusing.

I am sorry really that I read your blog and said hi.

It won't happen ever again. I promise. So go on accuse others.
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11/14/07

I stand corrected then. I apologize for upsetting you.
I just wish you're able to correspond in a mature way.

'Filipino' is the word. I should be taking offense at that but I won't.

Humble thyself and thou shalt be exalted.

Have a nice life.
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Photo Blog

I FOR AN EYE

[ http://RobEquiza.blogspot.com ]


"The reason I do photographs is to help people understand my music, so it's very important that I am the same, emotionally, in the photographs as in the music. Most people's eyes are much better developed than their ears. If they see a certain emotion in the photograph, then they'll understand the music."
Björk, Index Magazine, July 2001

But For Now

Poster Paint on 1/4 Illustration
March 7, 2009
Rob Equiza

Know that it will pass.

Under The Influence (Freeradio @ Lin's Garden 120108)

| D O W N L O A D |

01. RIVER - Joni Mitchell Cover
02. PEOPLE ARE STRANGE - The Doors Cover
03. ECHO - Incubus Cover
04. I MISS YOU - Incubus Cover
05. MAN OF THE HOUR - Pearl Jam Cover
06. TWO OF US - The Beatles Cover
07. YELLOW LEDBETTER - Pearl Jam Cover
08. THE WARMTH - Incubus Cover
09. BLACKBIRD - The Beatles Cover
10. TIL THERE WAS YOU - The Beatles Cover

Music is Free!

We're giving away copies of our first album -

FREERADIO's self-released 'ONE-MAN EDUCATION'.

Anyone interested, let us know and we'll provide you the CD.

All songs under 'Inspiration From My Insecurities Music'

Copyright 2007, CAMP Records

waxed

AURA.

Let the light seep into my sadness
The rain fall against the ground
Let my heart full of anger beware
That it all goes round and round

Reasons gone & all unknown
Left its nest, this bird has flown
Flaming, seated & solitary
Freedom in this sanctuary

Hey There!

Do you wash your tongue with words of wisdom?

Do you wet your face with the morning sun?

Are you awake in the night, dreaming of sleep?

Are you ready for the future without knowing what it is?

Do we know ourselves more than what we see in the mirror and our friends' description?

Are we more than our names? Or do we even fit our names?

I'm in love with the world.

Are you?

the moon is your dreams

September 25, 2007: Before I closed my eyes, I said, "Lord, help me fulfill my dreams."

+

It was dusk in a park by the cliff and I was sitting on the ground watching the horizon. I was alone enjoying the view until a beautiful lady sat on a bench across me. I tried to ignore her but when she stood up and went I felt obliged to follow. I followed her through a wide street full of people then through narrow paths not unlike a labyrinth. It was dark when we reached her place. I learned she had kids including a baby whom she immediately took in her arms. The children were crying because their father had left them – not knowing if he's ever coming back. I said goodbye then somehow managed to get out of the maze. When I looked back, I saw them following me. I took a huge step across a small stream of water and found myself on a small garden, urging them to come with me.

The grass extended and we were now in a field at the center of the forest. There were few other people too. The wind suddenly blew hard. It blew harder every second – harder and harder so I shouted and told everyone to run to the trees unless they want to be hit by a lightning. We all ran in one direction and felt safe when we got near the trees. Then somebody pointed to where we were minutes ago. There lying was an old man – weak or maybe drunk and did not know what was happening. Wind still growing, I rushed back and helped him to his feet. But the wind was now angrier like it would burst if it could. I was more wary of a lightning hitting us so I told him we'll just crawl. We crawled through the field back to the others. All of us gathered on the side of the field when the wind abruptly stopped. Just on cue, a big red shooting star boasted in the northern sky. We all cheered. Then we looked up right above us – the moon, big and bright in the clear dark heavens. But the handsome moon surprised us by splitting itself sideways into two S-shaped orange silhouettes, joining back again and exploding. Boom! Explosion in slow motion - red, yellow, orange on the sides! Fire and debris scattered forming an ugly halo. What was left of the grand and powerful gold moon was a smaller white moon, nothing but a spotlight in a stage and even weak to touch our faces. We were all in awe except for someone who said he doesn't believe the moon will ever die. But just as he said this, our spotlight in the sky vanished and was left to nothing.

Life was sucked from my being and the sky contracted itself into a large rectangle on the ceiling of a great hall. We were lying down on the white cold tiles of the hall watching the giant television on the ceiling that had been the sky moments ago. The coverage was over and CNN confirmed that the moon was, indeed, dead.

+

Hours after I woke up, I consulted the dream to Joan, a friend who is an interpreter. She said, "Don't give up on your dreams, hopes & plans.. Maraming maapektuhan." It occurred to me that the old man was my father and (upon Tracy's suggestion) the lady was my mother. And as Joan had said – the moon is your dreams. Don't let it die.

On that day, God had talked to me.

The Strokes Breaks First Impressions

New York-based garage band The Strokes released their 3rd album, 'First Impressions Of Earth', on January of last year. Mixed reviews of the CD made me hesitant on giving it a listen. Plus, the garage genre slowly took a backseat in my head for the past year. Until a month ago when I took 'Room On Fire' to one of my daily train rides to the office. Even though I dismissed that 3rd album (considering it as a failure - just because AllMusic said so!), I had always been wondering what changes they've made with their sound. Of course, the first (Is This It?) and second album (Room On Fire) basically had the same feel to it - though I should say that their sophomore outing was an improvement.
So on the weekend that followed, I went to Quiapo (yeah, I’m cheap) and bought myself that third album.
And the critics were right - the band did change! But I believe they got better!
‘First Impressions Of Earth’ impresses the passive listeners - suggesting a wide and more complex image for the band. First track 'You Only Live Once' is a great opener and makes you want to listen further. If the chorus of ‘Razorblade’ makes you feel like you’re listening to a very familiar melody, that’s because band vocalist/songwriter Julian Casablancas rips off Barry Manilow’s Mandy. Under other circumstances, this would’ve pissed me off. But Casablancas gets away with it right there because he does it so well and you’d have to just consider it as homage to Mr. Manilow. ‘Ask Me Anything’ is a minimalist song utilizing a mellotron instead of the usual set-up. That’s right! No-guitars, no drums, no bass – just that mellotron and Julian singing over it. He sings ‘We could drag it out. But that's for other bands to do.’ What’s funny is he does drag you out – in dragging beautiful way. The lyrics make no sense but that’s the sense of it. If that makes sense to you.
Unfortunately, only the first half of the album sinks in after repeated listens.
The second-half is like an unnecessary bore that you just can’t wait to end. And the reason for that is because this album is indeed longer than the other first two albums – about twice as long. If it’s not for ‘Ize Of The World’, I should hate the last parts of the album. And ‘Ize Of The World’, is the work of an artist that’s bound to be either dismissed or hated by shallow men who will never understand him. The song is good, not great but good. But the ending is what it’s all about. It abruptly stops without any hint that it would. And it’s not just an ordinary stop- it’s a full stop- the brown-outs we taste every now and then, the unexpected blow on your head by an unforeseen attacker, the shutting of your brain. And if you’re wondering why, listen to the words.
The Strokes had taken a leap on this one. Not just a step but a leap. Some may not like it and they might shed a few fans for it. But music is always about doing/writing/playing/singing what you want despite the opinions of others.
So hats off to these guys!

By the way, the inlays are great too – courtesy of Love Police!

This is Us

Demos on Soundclick

YAXARIS PAROLě [02/03/07]

I dreamt the sky was falling
I was lying on the ground
In a cloudless night when the stars are still
And my heart had its fill

I dreamt the sky was falling
Over a place entirely made of empty spaces
Open my hand, open my eyes
So this is how it feels to leave
To leave a dream which I thought was everything

I saw the stars alive
They surrounded me, arranged unwillingly
I floated in non-existence
A non-existent crowd afraid to move
But I was one of them, floating in a dream

Free
Free from the worries of earthly pain
Free
Free from the burden of me and you and everyone

The Return of the Mayas.

This morning, while having my daily relaxation before sleep, I chanced upon one music video. From the first strums of the acoustic guitar, I quickly identified the song - Rivermaya's Sunday Driving! Just about time they released another single from their last album. But the visuals, man!, it had me blurting out "Putek, ang ganda!"

SUNDAY DRIVING is one of the most beautiful songs in Between the Stars and Waves. A great opener - simple yet sweeping - it has that Britpop touch that signifies Rico Blanco's fascination with Radiohead, Coldplay and like bands. Nevermind that they ignored their last album lately. Even I, as a fan, got to the point of exhaustion from them because of their mediocre outings. But the release of Sunday Driving made me miss them and re-realize the genius of Rico Blanco.

The video is an edgy animation in the same way of The Dissociatives' first video (forgot the title), Coldplay's Trouble, and Oasis' All Around The World.
Amazing surrealism. As the title suggests, the boys, animated and all, are driving along a road and in the end gets submerged in the sea. Plus you can't miss the searing background. All in all, it compliments the atmosphere of the song. The images embody the whole album since it instantly reminds us of the inlay in Between the Stars and Waves. I wonder who directed it. I'd like to see it again, or better yet, have a copy of it. It's really impressive.

I've always been a Rivermaya fan - more than any other local bands.
And with a video like this (by far their best), it just revives my faith in the band.

One Fine Sunday.